panic and loneliness

panic whores always shit me everything, days, weeks months perfect, where everything seems to go well, go and come to fuck up my life.

and pass the limit, people see me stressed, makes me sick, I get sick, it makes me want to vomit, traspiro ice cream and feel like I want to faint ...
I never want to live as two years ago, not worse like stopping, as a psychologist is and understand that everything in life happens to you account, saved sorrows, problems, conflicts, but do not hold me no one understands me happens is that nobody really knows me, or very few indeed and when I need not be those of, estrus, do not like to see me like this, but loneliness is sometimes the worst enemy, even if what i am not it is always what I want or need, it sucks, this is a real shit ..
two years ago does not control crises and for two months I freeze the left half of the face, but not much fall, those who knew me noticed that my face is deformed, hate those looks of pity, these affections that deep they go through hurts to see someone like that, I mourn not solve any of this, but what can I do?

I know I'm not alone, but I feel more empty than shit, I feel that everything goes wrong, it all fell apart when everyone expects my triumphs, what the fuck do I do? would be so easy to follow the voice of my head and have a drink, make a deep cut, I'm all alone, no one would realize in time that I'm slowly dying, no one notices, no one knows ...

if I die would not be alone, would be my grandmother was my mother, would be the roberto, who has been the greatest of my life, it was my other half and died because of me, would be the expensive, even just three years after his death , I need, I'd be a lot of people that left me halfway and gave both me and said, I feel that I can no more ...

I do not want more, I want more, I'm tired, life made ​​me very large, very heavy, it sounds funky, but you have to experience things to understand the reasons for each word or empty feeling that someone like me can feel ...

That serves mourn me? although many people do not believe in all my life I've cried more than I've laughed, and am one who always laughs and always happy to those around ... ironic is not it?

I so eager to close my eyes and not wake up anymore, I have so many things to think about, and still do, I'm still here ... I can not stand here and still do not understand, there is so much ill people to die, or good people leave home and never returns .... give it all to change their place ... I'm tired of living, I'm tired of mourn, I will not see my face split in half downwards, I do not want to see people and feel I'm going to faint, not hear a noise and feel my head explodes.
I have everything to be happy and wonderful people who bring joy to my life, but not enough, and tired ... I want to go away, I want to sleep forever, if anyone cares what I feel or think, be easy to forget that I an error to the lives of those who come, each and every person I met, I am just that, a mistake ... a fucking damn mistake, I should not be here, or anywhere else ....

tonight will be eternal, look at the moon from my bed, perhaps for the last time, with the darkness and loneliness that always felt inside me and now more than ever projected around me